My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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