I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
