I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
