Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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