I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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