Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
