i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
