That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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