Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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