No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
