It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
