call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
