I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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