shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
