So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
