you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
