Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
