Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I deserve this hangover.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
