True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
