Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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