you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
