Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
