my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
