last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize