Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
