You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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