Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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