laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
