my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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