i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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