I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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