Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
