is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
