after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
