There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
