my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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