Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
