Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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