Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
