I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
