I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
