i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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