Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
