he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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