member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
