ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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