I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
