You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
