So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
