Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
