man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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