So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Congratulations! We have a period
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