It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was like having sex with a tree stump
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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