i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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