once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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