My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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