I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
