dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
