I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
