Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
two words: eviction party
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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