peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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