Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
