girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
how does that bad decision feel?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
