I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
