i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
