Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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