fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize