Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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