ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
