I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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