Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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