Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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