I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
