This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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