Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
