That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
