people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
