I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
a search helicopter?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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