I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
