ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize