I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to cum in my sink.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
