I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
