We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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