I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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