I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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