I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
