I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
