I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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