Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
