Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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